Why Clergy Become Dechurched

In my “What Happened?” series, I explored the various mechanisms that result in people bidding “Good riddance!” to church, and in some instances, Christ Himself.  Now, I want to shift my focus from the typical parishioner to the clergy. How does the Christian church destroy her leaders?

There are a several ways a church can burn out, overstress or disillusion a minister, but I believe the overarching category is “unrealistic congregational expectations.”  Church members demand too much from one person.

Here are a few subcategory examples:

Unfair work load

Ministers too often are expected to be the one who will lead everything and bear the brunt of the work load.  After all, “That’s what we are paying him for, isn’t it? His job is full time ministry, but I can only offer a little time after my full time job, kid’s events and family issues.”

Right.  Let’s take a look at Christmas time. That’s nice isn’t it? We have special holiday songs, a nice play or outreach and of course, our beloved candlelight Christmas Eve service.  Wonder what it looks like from a pastor’s point of view? 

There’s the community holiday event where I’ll be offering the invocation and the children’s pageant where I need to welcome all the relatives who wouldn’t darken the church door if their kids weren’t in the play. I need to prepare for the special Christmas Eve service, including playing referee for where the tree will be, what music is okay and assuring the elders that my message “will touch their hearts, but not go too long.” Plus, there’s still the next Sunday service that has to be arranged, the budget needs to be closed by the end of the year, and all the committee meetings that need to be attended to ensure we have goals and church officers in place for the upcoming year.

Conflict/Lack of Support

Of several surveys taken, a vast majority of clergy said their greatest problem is that they are sick and tired of dealing with problem people. Hmm… can we think of any examples?

Feeling Alone & Isolated

The nature of their job is such that clergy are listening to the personal problems of their congregation, that they can’t really share their problems with other church members.  If they do, they will be perceived as whining, weak or worse.  Finding other ministers is helpful, but often times they are not available because of distance, work schedules or denominational differences.  And forget professional counseling! Can you imagine the stigma of someone saying “My pastor is in therapy.”?

Family Stress

Too often, the family members of clergy are expected and often pressured by the congregation to participate in activities they don’t want to be a part of.  Children are expected to be perfect boys and girls. Wives are expected to “support their spouse” while being actively involved in church leadership roles. This results in a very insular circle of friends and activities, plus a lot of extra hours during days, nights and weekends.  It shouldn’t be a surprise that surveys show a high percentage of pastors’ spouses wishing their spouse would choose another profession and citing the day their family entered the ministry as being the most destructive event in their marriage. These sorts of stresses not only challenges in their own right, they put both pastors and spouses at greater risk of affairs and divorce.

Missing the Point

So much time is spent dealing with congregational issues, pastors don’t have the quality time they need to study scripture and spend quiet time in prayer with God.  Also, there are few people in the congregation who are seriously interested in discussing spiritual topics or growing in discipleship. 

Seminaries often focus so much on the heavenly aspects of ministry that the earthly realities of counseling, conflict resolution, leading volunteers and managing finances are mostly untaught.  This leaves new ministers with a false impression of what ministry will be like and unprepared for its demanding realities.

Summary

We need to take a renewed look at what we expect from our clergy.  As you can see from above, the demands upon a minister are often so great that they end up destroying their esteem, their families and often their careers.  This means more than a few niceties during “Pastor Appreciation Month.”

Please make a point to share some encouraging words and actions with your minister, not only this week, but on a regular basis. If you happen to be in a lay leadership role, I encourage you to also make an effort to ensure the area you are serving in doesn’t place undue demands on your minister.

A good online resource for clergy experiencing depression is the Clergy Recovery Network.